A Witness to the Presence of God

Christ is Born!

2011-12-25T12:38:00.001-06:00

This time of year tends to bring to people all sorts of emotions, thoughts, feelings, and reactions. We have certain expectations of how the Christmas season should feel and how it should be interacted with. And yet, we tend to forget that the very first Christmas was so far apart from anyone's expectations. Mary certainly didn't expect that she would have to walk 10 days to get to Bethlehem only to give birth in a stable. And I'm sure Joseph, when imagining what his future would look like, didn't think he would be engaged to a woman who would conceive a child as a virgin, let alone conceive the Son of God. I think of the shepherds and wise men too who came to worship on that holy night, knowing that they would find a child lying in a manger, and yet, they must have stood in awe and disbelief that the Savior of the world would begin as such a small, innocent, helpless child.

Luke 2.16-18 says, "They hurried to the village and found Mary and Joseph. And there was the baby, lying in the manger. After seeing him, the shepherds told everyone what had happened and what the angel had said to them about this child. All who heard the shepherds’ story were astonished, but Mary kept all these things in her heart and thought about them often. The shepherds went back to their flocks, glorifying and praising God for all they had heard and seen. It was just as the angel had told them."

We know that all who encountered the Christ child that night came to worship and to stand in awe and wonder of the miracle of God. Who are we to question what Christmas should look like or to seek to plan it so that it may meet all of our expectations? What joy are we missing in not allowing God to change our expectations and surprise us a little? Who knows?! Maybe by trusting in God's plans instead of our own, we may perhaps find ourselves also standing in awe and wonder, struggling to imagine Christmas any other way.

Last night, I had the awesome pleasure of holding my newborn little girl (nearly 6 weeks old), and I, too, sat in wonder and amazement as we sang Silent Night by candlelight. The second verse particularly struck me: "Silent Night, Holy Night. Shepherds quake at the sight. Glories stream from heaven afar. Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia! Christ the Savior is born! Christ the Savior is born!" I was imagining the scene at Bethlehem as the shepherds and wise men approached the stable. What were they thinking? What thoughts of worship and praise were flowing through their minds and mouths? They knew, as they stared at the baby, that this was to be the Savior of all mankind. And here they were to witness His amazing entrance - a humble, quiet birth in a manger, as no one planned or expected. What a blessed miracle.

Elbow Grease for Jesus

2011-12-20T11:40:00.004-06:00

To be honest, I don't really enjoy cleaning. I'm not really sure that many people do. But, I do really like the results of cleaning. Having a clean home makes life easier, more enjoyable. So recently, I have been on a hunt for the best cleaning product for our tub/shower, but I have a few stipulations. It must do the most powerful work for the least amount of elbow grease. I want to be able to spray something on the walls of the shower and have all the soap scum and hard waters stains magically disappear without having to actually do any work.

This got me thinking about my relationship with Jesus. How often do I try to get the cleanest heart and purified spirit without wanting to actually put any work in? I want to be exactly who He desires me to be, but I'm not so sure that I want to act on self-control, patience, and obedience because that, of course, would require work and perhaps a little bit of self-denial. And yet, His Word asks something else of us:

"Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy."

- Philippians 2.12-18

God wants to provide us with every opportunity and to pour out His extravagant grace and mercy upon our lives. But He also expects that we will strive to live lives worthy of His calling (Ephesians 4.1), worthy of His love. We may not be able to attain that perfection in this lifetime, but we must do everything in our power to be obedient to God and His will for our lives.

So for me, that means that sometimes I have to be willing to pull out the scrub brush and put some effort into making my life as similar to Christ's as possible. I have to be willing to say no to selfish desires and vain ambitions. I have to deny myself the need to be filled and lifted up by others so that I may seek to please and serve God alone. I must seek to be less about myself and more about God (John 3.30). I have to think before I act and listen before I speak. And I simply must spend more time in His Word and at the foot of His throne.

As for my shower, well, maybe I could put a little effort into that too.

A Thankful Heart for New Life

2011-11-02T10:43:00.000-05:00

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." - Psalm 139.13-16

Simply considering what is before us in just 12 days time, loving on the newest addition to our family, leaves me speechless with thankfulness for God's provision of protection and contentment.

I am amazed at how God continues to weave us into His story and to bring us into a greater knowledge of His love and grace. I have so many things to be thankful for: a wonderful, loving family, a place of ministry, caring friends, a new life growing inside me, provision for all my needs and surplus for some of my wants, and above all, a God who knows me intimately and knows just how to draw me back to Him. I look forward to focusing on family and God's will for my life over the next 12 weeks. It is truly a blessing for this busy life to allow the rest of the world to stop for awhile, to feel no time constraint, and to allow the needs of my family to dictate my schedule rather than the other way around.

I pray that I may maximize this time, both my preparation for and my participation in it, that I may glorify God in all I say and do. For truly, the gift of new life is just that, a gift - not to be squandered or handled lightly, but to be cherished and grown in the way that God has designed it to.

The Usage of Scripture

2010-09-16T14:18:00.000-05:00

It occurred to me the other day, as I was teaching on 2 Timothy 3.16-17 that we tend to misconstrue the purpose of Scripture.

[¹⁶All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, ¹⁷so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.]

What I mean to say is I think we sometimes think we were given the Scriptures to make us feel better, that it's all about health, wealth, and prosperity. I think God has planned for us to encourage one another and to help one another in learning how to best follow God. But I think it is also too easy for us to shy away from the places in Scripture that seem to scrape too close to the things to which we cling so tightly.

Certainly, God gave us His Word, and Son and Holy Spirit, in order to encourage us, but more importantly, I believe God wants to teach us how to be better disciples of Him. I don't know about you, but sometimes learning and changing can be a painful process. James 1.22-25 talks all about this.

[ ²²Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. ²³Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. ²⁵But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does.]

We are given the Word of God in order to hold ourselves up to it, see where the imperfections and missteps are, and make changes so that we more accurately reflect Christ. It frustrates me when we, as church leaders, are not willing to make that step to challenge and confront our people. It is not our job to beat people with the Bible, but rather to help others evaluate their lives based on the Word of God and to make changes where necessary.

Have you examined your life as compared to the Word of God? Are you daily reading the Word? What changes are you willing to make?

Why Choose Church?

2010-03-16T10:14:00.000-05:00

In a world with so many opportunities and invitations, why should we choose church as an option or even to make it a priority? Proverbs 27.17 reads, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” As Christians gather, they are able to sharpen one another into a finer instrument to be used for the glory of God. This cannot be done in isolation. The church is a body, an organization, a group of individuals who have come together to corporately worship and praise our God as well as to continue in their knowledge and faith of God.

Consider sports and music groups for a moment. Can you show up for a game without ever having attended a practice? Sure, but will you be any good? Probably not. Can you come to play in a concert without ever having looked at the music? Good possibility, but will you play to your best ability? Survey says no. How then do we expect to reach and teach others who are not of the faith if we never attend and participate in church activities? If we don’t read our instruction manual, the Bible, how will we ever know what God requires of us and how to handle ourselves? By spending time with other Christians, we create the opportunity to learn more about who God is and what He expects of us. If we live our lives apart from the Christian world, we can never be encouraged by our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

And in an “It’s All About Me” world, we have to recognize too that our brothers and sisters in Christ need us too. If we never come to youth group, it’s not just that we will miss out on our own growth opportunities, but the rest of the group will miss out on us. We will never know what we could have contributed to someone else’s life to make it better and more manageable. What you may have contributed to the group could have been life changing for someone else. Are you satisfied with living a life that never impacts another?

Certainly, I’m all about the well-rounded individual. I think we should take full advantage of the opportunities and invitations we are given. But I think we must also consider the eternal impact. Just as you cannot play soccer or a symphony alone, neither can you grow in Christ all by yourself.

The Tragedy of Efficiency and Progress

2010-03-10T21:22:00.000-06:00

I love progress. I love technology. I love efficiency.
And yet... I hate it.
What once took an hour to do can now be done in three minutes.
When once we were inaccessible, now we are chained to being constantly available.

It's not that I don't believe progress or efficiency are both necessary and good. Rather, I believe it is the abuse of such advancements that is troubling. Is it possible that the high rate of burn out at such a young age is due to the ever-increasing demands of the work place in recognition of the ability to produce higher volumes of output at faster rates? For instance, before computers, if I wanted to communicate a message to eight people, I had to either write a letter to or call eight different people and wait for their responses. This could take upwards of half an hour or more. Today, I simply send out one email or text message, copy all eight people, and often I receive instant responses due to cell phones and constant internet access. While this is good and helpful to production, is it possible that we are expecting too much from a system that constantly seeks to squeeze every last ounce of productivity out of its workers? Should there not be some give with the take?

My soap box being said... I still believe in the stillness and the quiet God has called us to observe. The Word says,

"The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still." - Exodus 14.14

It is not for us to always and everywhere produce, defend, and increase. Rather, sometimes, we must simply wait on God to carry it for us.

Expectations and God's Will

2009-09-08T09:01:00.005-05:00

"Am I now seeking human approval, or God's approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still pleasing people, I would not be a servant of Christ."
- Galatians 1.10

I remember running across this passage my freshmen year of college and committing it to memory. Now, I know it isn't a huge piece of Scripture to memorize, but the impact that it had on me was much larger than the words in the verse. I am, by nature, a people pleaser. I love to make others feel good and to meet and satisfy all of their expectations about me. What this creates, however, is a servant of humankind rather than a servant of God. For sure, this thinking stands apart from our understanding that we are to be servants to one another, to humble ourselves, and to seek to be the least and the last. I think, rather, what Paul is trying to say here is that we are not to serve others in order to please them and their expectations. Rather, we are to seek to please God and to meet His expectations.

The tricky part can be discerning which is which and learning how to navigate the waters in the meantime. I feel that recently this has been one area in particular where God has been speaking to me. I keep hearing things like, "Let's pray and see what God's plan is. It may be different from ours" or "Maybe it's time to start praying for what God wants you to do rather than what everyone else wants." For sure, by listening to and adhering to the expectations of others, one will please others, at least to a certain extent, for one cannot please all. But to what benefit? If people are happy but we've missed the mark on God's calling for us, the graver violation is against God. So instead, we have to pray and listen to God for His expectations and His will concerning our lives and our ministries, understanding that we are going to step on a few toes and not meet some expectations of others. But the benefit of this is knowing that we are truly serving the most high God and the will of His Kingdom. Surely, our ministries will be much more fruitful and willing to multiply if we follow His commands as opposed to the whims and expectations of others.

So as we seek wisdom and counsel from our Creator, let us trust fully in Him and have great confidence that He will answer when we call.

"If any of you is lacking in wisdom, ask God, who gives to all generously and ungrudgingly, and it will be given you. But ask in faith, never doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind; for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord."
- James 1.5-8

Amazed

2009-05-13T15:38:00.002-05:00

Amazed // Jared Anderson

You dance over me while I am unaware
You sing all around
But I never hear the sound
Lord, I am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
How You love me

You paint the morning sky with miracles and lines
My hope will always stand
You hold me in Your hand
Lord, I am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
How You love me

How wide, how deep
How great is Your love for me
How wide, how deep
How great is Your love for me
And Lord, I am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
How You love me

Oh, Lord, I am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
Lord, I am amazed by You
How You love me

As I sat in my office and listened to the rain come gushing down this afternoon, I happened to turn on one of my favorite songs on YouTube. Jared Anderson's Amazed so covers the depth and breadth of what a relationship with God can truly look like. I am continually amazed at all that God is doing without me even realizing it! "You dance over me while I am unaware." Some days it just really hits me that God has this lavishing love that continues and continues and continues. He desires the best for us and does so much for us that we never even realize. God surprises us each and every day. He brings the rain to provide nourishment for the ground and to make the flowers and trees grow. He provides other people in our lives that we might understand what relationships are like. He gives us food for sustenance and direction for our lives. His provision for us never ends.

Lord, I am amazed by You.

"Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new.
It's bursting out! Don't you see it?
There it is! I'm making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands."

- Isaiah 43.19-20 (MSG)

Where Are You, Christmas?

2009-05-07T10:43:00.002-05:00

Where Are You, Christmas?
Faith Hill

Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love

For whatever reason, I have found this song to be in the forefront of my mind lately. Not so much because I miss Christmas and wish it was here, but more because I'm nostalgic for what Christmas used to be. I find that as I grow older, holidays aren't quite the same anymore. It's different when you grow up and move out of your parents' home and are in that stage before you have your own children to celebrate the holidays with. There just seems to be some sort of loss of magic and mystery. I suppose part of it is knowing the truth behind Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. But I cannot discount that part of it is losing that whole group celebration and exchange of gifts, watching eyes light up because the perfect gift was chosen, and the warmth that is shared when a family is truly together. Holidays just feel a little more lonely when we know the facts and truth behind the mystery and magic, and when families lose the closeness that once was so important.

I cannot help but wonder if this is why our generation so seeks to find mystery within the context of the worship service. We want to know that there is something greater and more powerful than we are that we have come to learn about, to worship, and to serve. We want to be knowledgeable and recognize the truth, but we don't truly want to know everything for therein lies the loss of mystery. That is the power of the Godhead. God chose to not reveal everything about Himself and to make that which is unknown unknowable so that we might continue to search and continue to seek. That we would continue to stand in His presence in awe of all that He is because we truly do not understand the depth and breadth of who He is.

Colossians 2 verses 2 and 3 say this:

"My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."

The purpose of the Gospel is that we might know Christ, not entirely and completely, but in such a way that we recognize and understand all that is hidden within Him.

As a leader in ministry, it is difficult sometimes to find the mystery hidden within Christ because it is so easy to get caught up in the everyday dealings of the Church. Just because we are a part of the church doesn't necessarily mean that we will always be nice to one another. The phrase that stays with me is "Wounded people wound people," and it is so true. We are a broken people searching desperately for some sort of restoration that can only be found within the Godhead. At some point, we're going to get hurt, and at some point, we're going to hurt other people. The mystery of God is not necessarily found when looking solely at the Church. Rather, the mystery of God is found in looking solely to Christ.

Perhaps in some way this relates back to the holidays, and particularly to Christmas. Sometimes we look to the holidays expecting someone else to create that moment of magic and mystery for us. We expect it to just show up because it always has. Instead, it is our turn to create that moment for others, and in the context of the Church, intentionally focusing our eyes on Christ. As the Bible says,

"I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” (Mark 10.15)

As a child, it is easy to find the mystery that is Christ. As adults, with more distractions, less time, and more chaos, it is harder to find that mystery. But we must be intent upon setting our hearts upon the One who has first chosen us. It is there, in the life and spirit of Christ, that we will find the mystery we so desperately long for.

A Cell Phone Soap Box

2009-01-13T13:50:00.004-06:00

Ah yes, the blessed invention of the cell phone. Who wouldn't want one? The convenience, the availability, the options and amenitites...

I believe there is a dark side that is slowly unveiling itself - yielding the world to a lack of true communication one step at a time... The convenience, the attachment, the dependence upon it, the usage of it at the most inappropriate times, and don't get me started on the endless text messaging.

I'm not saying that I don't like or enjoy my cell phone. I think it is a phenomenal invention that keeps us safe and helps us to communicate in astonishing ways. However, I think that we are just on the verge of a gross misuse of cell phones and are flirting with danger as we begin to rely more heavily on them as a means of communication.

I read a thought-provoking article by a lady named Lenore Skenazy, who also runs a website called Free Range Kids. She is seeking to provide opportunities for parents to share together in helping their kids experience life without feeling constricted by over-protective parents, believing that kids should help out, clean up after themselves, and be able to get themselves to places safely through reasonable means of transportation. She writes in her article about how cell phone holdouts may just have the right idea. That we, as a society, are uninformed about the appropriate places and usages for our cell phones. I could not agree with her more.

In paying attention to my community the last few months, I have noticed a growing trend. People are no longer interested in investing in the community they are currently in. By this I mean that I have witnessed, on multiple occasions, people joining together in fellowship over food, coffee, etc., only to spend their time talking on their cell phones or texting others who are not there. This begs the question, "If you aren't interested in investing in the person you are currently with, then why did you come in the first place?" Spend time with whom you want to spend time with. Don't waste the other person's time by having a conversation with someone some place else. Invest in the community and situation you are currently in. There is nothing worse than trying to talk to someone who either interrupts you to take a phone call or turns downward in an attempt to respond to a supposedly urgent text.

On top of this, what is happening to the art of communication in our culture today? People no longer sit to talk and learn about one another, to see what is happening, and to understand who the other person is. Rather, we send short, abbreviated messages to one another simply trying to get to the point of the message. Our sound-bite culture is not interested in the reasoning and methodology behind the conversation. Instead, we are interested in short, to the point responses.

I'm not trying to draw a hard and fast rule against the usage of cell phones. I'm merely trying to open the conversation to the possibility that we need to learn when it is and is not appropriate to use them, and that perhaps, we have come to rely on them far too much for communication.

Love the technology. Love the possibilities. Struggling with strong current of our culture.

A Pillar of Blessing

2009-01-13T13:11:00.004-06:00

On the Sunday between Christmas and New Years, I preached on the dream Jacob had at Bethel about God's fulfillment of His promises. I felt that it would be a great time to try something a little bit different with our congregation, and it proved to be a great success. I wanted to create a corporate pillar of sorts in order to remind us of God's great love and His commitment to us. I invited each individual to come forward, pick up a large stone, write on it a blessing they had received, and to drop it in the pillar I provided at the front. I then encouraged each of them to take a small stone with them as a reminder of the blessings God had provided. What was especially neat was sitting and watching (and listening) to the blessings of God. With each drop of the stone, it was an audible reminder of God's love. ::chink:: Family ::chink:: A second chance ::chink:: God's love ::chink:: My job ::chink:: Safe travels home ::chink:: I am healthy and on and on and on.

What has also been neat is watching this idea bloom into something bigger. I believe strongly that people are aware of the ugliness and chaos in their lives. What I think we most often forget are the blessings that God provides amidst the ugliness and chaos. So, the pillar is now sitting in the Gathering Area awaiting more blessings. I know people have continued to add stones to it, adding blessings upon blessings, as we, as a congregation, celebrate the goodness that God provides.

Interesting

2009-01-07T10:58:00.002-06:00

So, I had an interesting conversation with some friends of mine on Saturday. I was sharing my thoughts on an interesting book I had read and an interesting person I had met and an interesting movie I had gone to see... seeing a pattern? What I had defined as an appropriate adjective, my friends deemed as a lack of willingness to commit to an opinion. What exactly does the word interesting convey? Just that something is beyond normal or what is expected, I suppose. Webster's says that it's something that holds our attention. It does not define whether it has attained our attention for positive or negative reasons, just that it has gained our attention.

This has brought to my attention a few different things:

1 - I need to get a thesaurus.

2 - I have a lack of commitment to positive and negative adjectives, and therefore positive and negative responses. I thrive so much on the acceptance and affirmation of those around me that I fear making a wrong analysis of a situation, book, movie, or person. By committing to one side or another, I am, in a sense, making a judgment call. What if I'm wrong? Or worse, what if I've offended someone? At some point, I have to step outside my interesting box and declare truth where I see it ... at appropriate times and in appropriate ways, of course.

3 - I think this represents a lot of our culture today - interesting. From the world's perspective, it doesn't matter whether people have gained attention by positive or negative actions, what matters is that they have gained our attention. You can get on Dateline or 20/20 for all sorts of things, whether a good Samaritan or a child molester, and more often or not, you get more notice and limelight for your negative actions. What is this teaching our society? You want people to pay attention? Do something wrong. Do something outlandish. Make a scene, cry out for attention in all sorts of obscene ways. Then, you will have accomplished something interesting.

Revelation 3.14-19 says that we are to be either hot or cold, but certainly not lukewarm. Certainly not just interesting.

Yup, definitely need a thesaurus.

Thinking Outside the Box

2009-01-06T14:32:00.002-06:00

I had to share this quote as posted from a friend of mine:

"The hijacking of the concept of morality began, of course, when we reduced Scripture to formula and a

LOVE

story to theology, and finally

MORALITY

to rules. It is a very different thing to break a rule than it is to cheat on a lover. A person's mind can do all sorts of things his heart would never let him do. If we think of God's

GRACE

as a technicality, a theological precept, we can disobey without the slightest feeling of guilt, but if we think of God's grace as a relational invitation, an

OUTREACH of love,

we are pretty much jerks for belittling the gesture."

-Don Miller

At some point, we have to move beyond compulsion, routine, and tradition and step into the world of relationship with our God.

Divine Mystery

2008-12-15T11:15:00.002-06:00

"About that time Caesar Augustus ordered a census to be taken throughout the Empire. This was the first census when Quirinius was governor of Syria. Everyone had to travel to his own ancestral hometown to be accounted for. So Joseph went from the Galilean town of Nazareth up to Bethlehem in Judah, David's town, for the census. As a descendant of David, he had to go there. He went with Mary, his fiancée, who was pregnant. While they were there, the time came for her to give birth. She gave birth to a son, her firstborn. She wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in a manger, because there was no room in the hostel."
- Luke 2. 1-7

As this passage has come to mind the past few days, and as we explored it in our staff meeting today, I was reminded of the lack of mention of God in the opening verses about the birth of Jesus. The start of chapter 2 in the book of Luke talks strictly in terms of historicity and fact, not about the miraculous incarnation and divine mystery of the Christ child. What we do see and recognize is that God has been working in all of this. For instance, is it possible that it was not the idea of Quirinius to have a census but the institution of the idea by God for Quirinius to call for one? There is so much wonderment available to us as Christians who recognize the divinity of Jesus and the creativity of our God. We don't have to mention Him to know that He is there.

And then beyond this, was Bethlehem drastically changed by the birth of Jesus? Moments after his delivery, was there suddenly a cosmic shift in which everyone automatically recognized what had happened? Absolutely not. Very few people, in fact, recognized the magnitude of this event and came to worship the Christ child. It was only by the ministry of other people, by the teachings of Jesus, the words of His disciples and followers, that Jesus was known as Christ, the Messiah. Salvation and recognition were not instantly related to the birth of Christ. So too should we not be discouraged because we do not see instant results from our ministry. If the birth of Christ is not enough to change the life of someone instantly, why should we think a youth meeting is going to have magnanimous instant results? It is only through the patient growth of planted seeds that faith begins to blossom and bear fruit. Patience in ministry. What a concept.

Submission, What?!

2008-12-11T10:37:00.006-06:00

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patience, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." - Ephesians 4.1-3

Sometimes I think that I have been called because of who I am. I tend to think I'm pretty tough stuff, that I have it all together, that I am good enough to be called by God to be a minister to His people. Hah. What a lie. God clearly calls us based on His grace and love. It has nothing to do with who we have created ourselves to be. We are called to live lives that are worthy of the calling we have received. We are supposed to live up to our calling, not the other way around.

I've been studying the spiritual discipline of submission lately. To be honest, I was a little nervous to get into it, mostly because of the bad rap it sometimes gives to women when manifested in society. However, the more I dove into, the more I fell in love with it.

We are slaves to ourselves and to others. We allow ourselves to get caught up in a trap of instant gratification and self-service. We think we have to have what we want when we want it... and we want it now. I look back on my life and try to think of how many things I have ever actually had to wait on to receive. Only 2 things come to mind: the dating and engagement period before my wedding and the acceptance for the job that I am currently serving in. Most else I feel I have attained when I wanted, received when I desired, and purchased when I felt an emptiness. Especially now, as an adult (I guess), I have the financial means to purchase most of what I want when I desire it, aside from crazy large purchases such as a new car and living room suite, and even that is just a matter of priorities. But submission. Allowing yourself to place others' needs before your own. Desiring someone else to accomplish their successes before you. Rejoicing in the celebrations of friends and enemies. Giving of yourself and your possessions for someone else who has need. Freeing yourself from the bonds of having to have what you want when you want it. Being able to say, "Nah, I don't have to have that right now. No, I don't need to win this in order to be a better person. It's okay, my status is not important." There is a freedom that comes with being able to let go of "need" and "now."

By learning submission, we fulfill so many pieces of Scripture. Like this Ephesians text, when we submit, we are more able to be humble and gentle, to bear with one another and to be patient in all things. We provide more unity and peace when we allow ourselves to let go. God is not asking us to be a doormat nor to allow ourselves to be abused. Rather, He is asking us to set ourselves aside for the needs of others. To place others before ourselves, as better than ourselves. To not feel that we have to be glorified in order to be whole, but to be comfortable with service to one another.

This is what I believe freedom in Christ is all about. To be free to serve. To be free to love. To be free to give of oneself in submission to another. What a great challenge for each of us.

Consumerism and Jesus

2008-11-25T12:41:00.003-06:00

337/365: The Big Money
Originally uploaded by DavidDMuir

I read an interesting article for my Ethics class the other day, two articles in fact, and they spoke directly to our view of ourselves and how that impacts our relationships. There was a stance that stood for self-maximizing. How can I achieve my greatest self-potential and get the most for myself out of each situation? It creates a feeling of "I deserve and have a right to happiness and can therefore demand that each person I encounter and each opportunity I have should meet this need within me." Then there was a stance for covenant-keeping. How am I seeking to improve the lives of everyone around me? What am I doing to keep the covenant of friendship and relationship I have made with others? This creates a sense that there is something bigger, something greater, and something larger than us as individuals. This looks into the very heart of who the Church is called to be.

As I have begun to contemplate this spectrum of self-maximizing versus covenant-keeping, I have noticed a huge trend and relationship to the ministry in which I am serving. We are creating a society of consumers who feel it is their right to get what they want, how they want it, and when they want it - which is usually right now. We are no longer teaching people to give of themselves, to offer and sacrifice of their time and effort. If we cannot fill a position with a volunteer, we just delegate it off to the staff so that we can continue to meet the "felt need" of the congregant. We teach about Jesus' love and care and mercy and grace, but not about His demand for self-sacrifice and service to others. We are creating a society who feels that it is their right to be entertained in church. If it is not fun enough, creative enough, media-driven enough, then they can find higher quality down the street at another church with more money, more technology, and more staff.

We are creating a society that values big. Whatever is bigger, better, greater, grander - these things mean quality and success. If my group is the largest, then I have arrived. If my activity is the most creative, then I have succeeded. If I am the coolest person people have ever met, then I am the ultimate. If I can just rub elbows with the greatest, the best, and the most powerful people in my profession, I can become prominent. But is this not exactly opposite to what Jesus teaches us?

"An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. Then he said to them, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all—he is the greatest.""
- Luke 9.46-48

Jesus tells us that the least shall be greatest and the greatest shall be least. He teaches us that His wonders and mystery come in the small things: the whisper of God to Elijah, the mustard seed, the lilies of the valley, the lost child, the lost coin, the sheep... God does not value bigger and better and more grand. God does not value consuming all that we have. Rather, God desires us to share the wealth and to actively participate in this wondrous story He has for us.

How can we teach people that the Kingdom of God is not about consuming but about providing? That God calls us to respond to one another in such a way that there is no need? Is there something so wrong and abhorrent about the Acts 2 church?

"They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved."
Acts 2: 42-47

It's almost as if we avoid this type of living like the plague! What is so awful about sharing what we have and coming together in fellowship as a true, authentic community? Glad and sincere hearts. This church understood the heart of the gospel. They understood what it meant to stand by brothers and sisters in Christ. I was challenged this past weekend by a few speakers who spoke about community and sharing and fighting against the consumerism we live in. It was interesting as I considered my calling, "ministering to high-powered CEO's caught up in the American dream." It's no longer just the high-powered CEO's who haven't figured it out. It's the church and society in general. The American dream that claims that you have to have more and better stuff than your parents, the American dream that claims that you have a right to happiness, the American dream that drives the souls of people into debt, into heartache, into overwork and burnout... this American dream? It's not worth it. Self-maximizing is not worth it. Self gain at the expense of other relationships is not worth it. We have to recognize that we are a fallen people in a fallen world. It's not going to be perfect. We're not always going to be happy. Things aren't always going to work out exactly like we think they should. That's why we have to try, why we have to put forth effort, why we have to pour ourselves, our lives, our possessions into other people's lives. God demands so much more of us than we are expecting of ourselves. Are we prepared to give it all we have?

Awkward Evangelism

2008-06-18T08:08:00.002-05:00

So here's my most recent awkwardness. I'm taking a class in seminary called Evangelism. Ugh. Sounds terrible from someone who wants to be in full-time ministry, huh? It's not so much that I don't believe in the power of evangelism or think it entirely necessary for the furthering of the Christian church. Rather, it's the extreme battering it's taken in recent years in watching people do it poorly. I've seen so many cheesy tactics that don't rely on the power of first having a relationship with someone. For instance, I watched a show on 48 Hours called "The Lord's Boot Camp." It was filled with kids approaching people they didn't know, trying to witness to them through the awareness of their sinful nature and the inevitability of death, and forcing them into a decision. For those who chose yes, it was a quick prayer, a filled out form, a tally on the list of those they had "gotten," and onto the next passerby. Yes, sure, great, they are getting the Word out, passing on the of Jesus. BUT, take one of those people who has just been "converted" and ask them about faith, ask them about Jesus. They have no way to plug in, no way to be in relationship with someone who can direct their questions. Sure, they can seek out a random church, but if they have not yet this far done so, why is this quick prayer going to make any difference? Off my soapbox...

Here's my point. Evangelism must be about relationship. It must be about knowing who you are speaking to before you consider broaching the issue of faith.

Keeping this in mind, the prof of my Evangelism class gave us an assignment. We were to approach someone who is unchurched and share our faith with them. Not in an attempt to convert them or change their lives, but just to share our faith. I suppose part of it is just getting used to telling your story. So, I did what I said I wouldn't do and walked up to two unsuspecting people in McDonalds. To be honest, they looked harmless, and I figured they probably already went to church somewhere. I should be safe, right? I approached them, introduced myself, and told them I was a seminary student who just needed to practice sharing my faith with someone I didn't know. They obliged and allowed me to sit for a moment. That was one of the most awkward 3 minutes I have ever sat through. Wow. It wasn't even the people I was talking to. It was me. I realized, in those few moments, how incapable I am of sharing my faith. In those moments, I couldn't describe Jesus or the impact that made on my life. I stuck to facts about the direction of my ministry and points of extreme impact, such as my calling. I swerved completely around my point of "conversion." I suppose this is partly because I don't remember it much. I've always attended church, always went to camp, accepted Christ at camp in like third grade, called into ministry between my sophomore and junior year in high school, went to a Christian college, refined my calling, moved onto seminary, and that's where I sit today. I've seen God move in my life, but to tell someone else what Jesus is like and why I believe in Him? Evidently not my forte. I believe God has called me to work with those who are broken, worn down, hurt by the church, stuck in a spiritual rut, and having lost their passion for Christ. I enjoy the conversations with those who already know who Jesus is and just don't know how to reinvigorate the fire. But to walk up to someone who has no clue who He is or already has reasons why not to believe... really tough.

So what have I learned? I have got to get back to some basics in my life. After thinking about it a little, I've noticed my emphasis on relationship and it's importance in the Christian community. I came to belief in Jesus because I knew I could never be good enough on my own. I always wanted to be better, to be loved and accepted. Between that and the extreme emotion of the camp experience, I came to faith in Christ. Since then, my belief in and relationship with God has been solidified by experiences, deep searching, and making a conscious choice to believe. I still have a lot of questions. I still have some deep struggles. There are still a lot of places in my life that need refined and removed. Yet, to me, it comes down to my choice to believe in Him. My choice to be in relationship with a God who loves and accepts me just where I am. I have seen His movements in my life and I have seen the impact that having Him in my life has made. I cannot but choose God.

"I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands."
- Psalm 63.2-4 (NLT)

Circumcision of the Heart

2008-01-21T11:43:00.000-06:00

I decided recently that I should spend some time reading through the book of Romans, as I have managed to skim over it in the past. In reading, I found an interesting passage that struck the core of my being. Romans 2.28-29 reads:

"A man is not a Jew if he is only one outwardly, nor is circumcision merely outward and physical. No, a man is a Jew if he is one inwardly; and circumcision is circumcision of the heart by the Spirit, not by the written code. Such a man's praise is not from men, but from God."

Or, as I had originally read it in the NLT:

"For you are not a true Jew just because you were born of Jewish parents or because you have gone through the ceremony of circumcision. No, a true Jew is one whose heart is right with God. And true circumcision is not merely obeying the letter of the law; rather, it is a change of heart produced by God’s Spirit. And a person with a changed heart seeks praise from God, not from people."

Circumcision of the heart. A concept I had not totally begun to grasp. Our spirituality is not based solely on the crucifixion of Christ - as in, the forgiveness of our sins. But rather, our spirituality is much broader, broad enough to encompass the resurrection - as in, the newness of life. You see, Christianity goes much further than the cross, further than the ugliness of our sins and our inability to be blameless in and of ourselves. Rather, Christianity goes to the point where we are offered a brand new life by the love and mercy of Christ. We are not only offered this life upon the acceptance of Christ as Savior, but are expected to then live this life. We are to have a circumcised heart, one that follows, by nature, the will and ordinances of God. Dallas Willard (The Spirit of the Disciplines) explains it well when he says,

"Obedience, 'works,' effectual lordship are then natural parts of such salvation, of this kind of life. They come as God's continuing gifts within our interactive relationship to him - not as something outside it that perhaps limps along behind at a distance or disappears totally. Like blossoms from that seed, they sprout from the life itself."

We obey, we fall in line, we listen and adhere to His Word because we have that newness of life, that redeemed and regenerated life. Holiness follows as a result of new life. We change our habits, our attitudes, our responses to life's situations. We become a new creature, one that finds joy and hope in all things, that responds to the will of God upon His beckoning, that desires to spread His love and goodness. We are not just forgiven, we are made new.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'"
- Lamentations 3.22-24

Psalm 25

2008-01-14T11:39:00.000-06:00

When I find myself without words, I find I must turn to the Word. I feel at a loss, missing the uplifting, encouraging environment of my days at Ashland Theological Seminary. The pressure has been turned on me, as I can no longer sit each day listening to the inspiring words of my professors. What a privilege to be able to set aside that time each week and know that someone would be pouring out their heart in their teachings of spiritual leadership. Now, I must find that source of outpouring, that spark of light and hope, that commitment to the Truth... Again, today, I turn to the Word, as I seek my own words...

"To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
Do not let me be put to shame,
nor let my enemies triumph over me.
No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame,
but they will be put to shame
who are treacherous without excuse.

Show my your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long.
Remember, O Lord, in your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.
Remember not the sins of my youth
and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
for you are good, O Lord.

Good and upright is the Lord;
therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
He guides the humble in what is right
and teachers them his way.
All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
for those who keep the demands of his covenant.
For the sake of your name, O Lord,
forgive my iniquity, though it is great.
Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord?
He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.
He will spend his days in prosperity,
and his descendants will inherit the land.
The Lord confides in those who fear him;
he makes his covenant known to them.
My eyes are ever on the Lord,
for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
The troubles of my heart have multiplied,
free me from my anguish.
Look upon my affliction and my distress
and take away all my sins.
See how my enemies have increased
and how fiercely they hate me!
Guard my life and rescue me;
let me not be put to shame,
for I take refuge in you.
may integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

Redeem Israel, O God,
from all their troubles!"

- Psalm 25

James 3.17

2007-11-20T17:50:00.000-06:00

A Scripture passage to ponder:

"But the wisdom from above is first of all pure. It is also peace loving, gentle at all times, and willing to yield to others. It is full of mercy and good deeds. It shows no favoritism and is always sincere."

Wisdom from above. Blue Letter Bible defines "from above" as:

1) from above, from a higher place
a) of things which come from heaven or God
2) from the first, from the beginning, from the very first
3) anew, over again

This Wisdom that comes from above, from God, is first and from the beginning. It has always existed, it shall continue to exist, and it will always exist and persist. This wisdom that we are given is pure. It is unblemished. It is unfaltering. It is honest and good. It loves to promote justice in a peaceful and gentle way. It yields to the needs of others, it considers others better than itself. It shows mercy and goodness. It does not take sides nor promote inauthenticity.

How do we seek this Wisdom? How do we promote the goodness of following it? Do we desire to seek it? Do we desire to follow it? I think that is a great first step. If we do not desire it, then why would we seek it? And what is the joy in finding it if it is not important to us?

Say we seek and find this Wisdom... How then does it drive our life? What changes in us?
Purity, Peacefulness, Gentleness, Unselfishness, Merciful, Good, Impartial, and Sincere. Now that is something to ponder.

Excerpts

2007-08-09T15:13:00.001-05:00

Seeing as how this blog is inspired by brother Lawrence's book, "The Practice of the Presence of God," I thought I would include a few excerpts from the book.

"Brother Lawrence insisted that, to be constantly aware of God's presence, it is necessary to form the habit of continually talking with Him throughout the day. To think that we must abandon conversation with Him in order to deal with the world is erroneous. Instead, as we nourish our souls by seeing God in His exaltation, we will derive a great joy at being His." (12)

"When he was troubled by something, he seldom consulted anyone about it. Knowing only that God was present, he walked in the light of faith and was content just to lose himself in God's love no matter what happened. There, in God's love, he would find himself again." (17)

Trust and Fascination with God

2007-07-29T21:51:00.001-05:00

DcTalk put out their Supernatural CD quite a while back and closed it with a poem called "There is a Treason at Sea." I find a comfort in its words and perhaps a sort of resonation with it. It is as follows:

I am solo in this world of water
Only the tip of a sunrise visible
Like the morning light in a little girls eyes
I crave this freedom
I find it only in this little ship
Just my soul and this bread and butter
I am comfortable
But there is a treason at sea
Is it me?
It is a wonder, supernatural cover of war
The dark ones who eternal in damnation grow
Set about me now
How they whine and crow
I am solo
In this world of wet
And bitter is my temperament
I close the door to sentiment
And I relish all my youth
I realize that I am doomed
Fear of love and fear of you
But you give me the keys to paradise
It is you who sympathize
You and your perfection grow
I am cradled in your oceans throw
I crave your freedom in this little ship
For you alone can chart my trip
And like these waves I lose my grip
And I sink into your arms

Ah, to sink into Your arms. To rest, at last. To come to a place of sheer comfort and love and freedom... To not fear each moment, to not feel the compulsion of running, but to sit, to be still, to be in Your presence, in Your love, in Your arms...

We serve an amazing God. We serve a creative God. We serve a God who knows what is ahead of us, even when we are in a place where we aren't sure God is even looking. I'm seeking to come to a place where I have complete trust in and fascination with God. I seek to be in a place of spiritual depth and stability. Not so much so that I can keep my God in a box, but so that I can say I am continually seeking His presence, continually chasing after Him. My life has been so turned upside down as of late and it becomes increasingly more difficult to set aside those times in worship before our Lord and Maker. The uncertainties mount and the questions build. My confusion, frustration, and instability become innumerable. Where else have I to turn but You, O God? It all comes back to You. More of You and less of me. Still my aching heart. Calm my weary soul. Press in closely on my life and lead me in the way of righteousness. Rebuild my faith. Increase my trust. Immerse my life in fascination with You.

My Amazing Husband

2007-07-29T21:38:00.000-05:00

A New Place

2006-10-18T14:10:00.000-05:00

"On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts." – 1 Thessalonians 2:3-5

I have come to the realization, as I have in previous times in my life, that I can only do things in order to serve my God. To seek to please those around me, those over me, and those whom I interact with on a daily basis, is an impossible task, and one that God has not called me to fulfill. My single and most important task is to serve and to please God. He alone realizes our pure, or impure, motives.

So many thoughts, so little time to sort it all out. At this point, I have found myself attending seminary full time and working part time as a CE Director at the church. What an interesting experience. God continues to stretch me daily in my personal walk with Him, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. The requirements of seminary can be overwhelming as far as the reading and writing assignments are concerned. However, I generally enjoy the learning environment in which I find myself. It is interesting, however, how similar many of the first year students are in their classroom experiences. Many of us are so afraid of speaking up in class for fear of embarrassing ourselves or speaking out of turn. It is interesting, as well, to see the maturity level that is around me. I consider myself a rather mature person, but when in this setting, I still feel so small and young. Furthermore, the intellectual level surrounding me is phenomenal. Perhaps it is because many are at least third year students and have that higher level thinking process.

Needless to say, it has been quite awhile since I have found myself feeling so small and unvalued. It is very isolating to be in a new position where I do not know anyone and no one really knows me. It is even further isolating to feel I do not have the social skills to change this. Praise God for a husband who is so supportive, patient, and loving in this new process, as I know he often struggles with these sort of things as well. Alas, more prayers, more time of kneeling in worship before our gracious loving Father, more moments of humble, authentic relationship with both God and those I encounter in my daily walk.

“Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.” - Psalm 25:4-5

An Expression of My View of My Calling

2006-04-10T10:12:00.000-05:00

I recently sent an email to a friend of mine describe my view of women in ministry. Due to the fact that sometimes I write things that I know not where they come from, and knowing that some always like a few words on the subject area, and also knowing it's been a few months since I've posted, I thought maybe I'd share those words. The core text of the email is as follows:

"I firmly believe women should be able to hold any position in the church as long as they have been called to it by God, as should any person who chooses to hold a position in a church. I would not so much claim that I am an advocate for women in ministry but rather an advocate for those who are called to find their appropriate positions within ministry. I know that I am only in ministry because I can do nothing else. God has called me (through an almost audible experience) into His service within the church, and I believe He has opened and closed appropriate doors in order to lead me into the place where He desires for me to serve.

I do believe there are some women who are serving in the church merely to prove a point. It is to this extent that I disagree with women serving. However, I have also seem some men serve merely because it is what their family expects of them. In both cases, the church suffers as well as the person trying to fill the position they were never meant to fulfill.

I believe God calls all people into His ministry. I believe there are instances where God calls a woman to be a leader over the entire church. I refuse to put God in a box by saying He will never appoint a woman to a position of high leadership. Sometimes the woman does a better job, merely because of her given skills and abilities.

A favorite quote by Dr. Ken Schenck on the subject: "To place a less competent male over a more spiritual and gifted female—simply because of the presence of a physical organ not particularly known for thinking or spirituality—well, it's pretty hard to make any sense of it." (from his article: Why I Favor Women in Ministry )

Furthermore, personally, I have seen fruit from my ministry and have received numerous accounts of affirmation toward my ministry including multiple notes stating, "I don't necessarily agree with women in ministry, but I would serve under you in a church/attend your church/etc." To me, it comes down to this: I could spend all day debating Scripture with someone far more qualified than myself. But, like anything, you can make Scripture mean precisely what you desire it to mean. Rather, I have relied on my personal experience with God in His speaking to me, the fruit of my ministry, and the affirmation of my peers and spiritual leaders. I crave those days where I can wake up and feel the passion that Christ feels for His people, to continue to desire to help heal those who feel far from Him, and to listen to Him as He speaks to me. And as well, I pray that the moment I cease fulfilling God's calling on my life, He grabs me by the shirt collar and turns my attention to where He desires me to serve. Until then, I can do nothing else."

A Wandering Wonderer

2006-01-23T01:29:00.000-05:00

Is it that God answers the yearning heart or is it that someone has prayed for God to answer that yearning heart?

"There's a dimension that these eyes haven't seen" - dcTalk

We may not see and understand all that is God and the ways in which He works and the mysterious happenings that get classified under His name, but we can be sure of this: God is good. God wants the best for each of us. God intends that we learn from our hardships, our moments of questioning and pain, that we come through better than when we entered in. To continue to persist and rejoice in the ritual as we seek to understand the season of life we are in. Perhaps a poor metaphor but one I've come to relate to: we believe in the sun when it doesn't shine, we believe in love when we do not feel it, may we believe in God even when we cannot experience Him.

"They were helped in fighting them, and God handed the Hagrites and all their allies over to them, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him." - 1 Chronicles 5:20

The Desert of the Soul

2006-01-18T19:19:00.000-05:00

Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

The desert of the soul is a scary place to be. How dry can one get before shrivelling into nothingness? How does one replenish that much needed water to satisfy the soul? It's not as easy as snapping your fingers or just reading your Bible more. How do you lead people when you feel you have nothing to give? What happens when God has called you to be a messenger in a certain time and place, yet you feel you have no messages to give? How do you justify that? How do you honestly answer people and tell them that as a spiritual leader you've got nothing? A scary place indeed.

I don't claim to understand life, and I'm not mad at God. I simply desire to know Him more and feel that I cannot do enough. The distance between God and I feels like a chasm that cannot be bridged nor crossed. The lyrics to a song have been following me all evening, "Lord, move in a way that I've never seen before. 'Cuz there's a mountain in the way and a lock on the door. Lord, move, move, or move me."

God, my body longs for You. My soul thirsts for You. I continue to cling to You, to believe in You, to rely on You. Pull me closer, Lord. May I continue to pull for you, too.

Earnestly, Lord, earnestly, I desire to seek after You.

Coming to Terms with God

2005-12-06T01:44:00.000-05:00

I know God and trust Him deeply. I say that, and turn around and ask myself, do I really? I know and love God, I realize that I am to trust in Him, that I will not always understand Him, but that He always has my best interests in mind. But it is also hard to look at God and see what my best interests are. He is not silent in these issues, but rather I am often too noisy. To take the time to quiet down my heart, to calm the anxiousness within me, and to set aside the busyness of my day to listen to the Creator of my soul, who knows and understands my worries and anxities. I have been struggling lately with way too many things as far as decisions are concerned and handling my worries. It seems so easy to hand these things over to God, and yet so hard to actually let them go. Beyond that, to quiet down long enough to listen to God's response to handling my problems for me seems a task beyond my capability, yet it is totally within my grasp. I just haven't figured it out yet. Or if I have, perhaps I have been ignoring it.

I must give over my anxiety to God. The Author and Perfector of our faith knows so much beyond our comprehension. How silly it is for us to try to figure these things out on our own. My heart seems so distracted. And I suppose confused. I want so badly to focus solely on God and His grace and mercy for the moment, and to see His unconditional love for His creation, and to receive His motivation to work enduringly in His service, yet so often I feel called outside of my area of duty and obligation. Someone told me that when you get stretched to the point where you feel you are doing things for duty and obligation rather than out of the joy that God gives us for His service, something is wrong. How does one come to terms with that? What can you do when everything you do is duty? Not necessarily in a bad sense, but you are required to be involved in all you are doing?

Sigh, I suppose at this point, it is just the matter of how hectic things are. This should not be an excuse (and in fact, I do not believe it to be a valid excuse), but perhaps is an explanation to how I am feeling. The next question that poses itself is, what do I do with this? How do I learn to give things to God? How do I learn to not reside in my anxiety and worry but rather to turn to God and let Him solve my problems? What does it take?

Blech. I apologize for leaving you in a state of bewilderment and negativity. I have sought to avoid this sort of pessimism. But at times, we must revel in these matters in order to better understand ourselves and the world that God has placed us in. May those of you who have understood this complexity of life rejoice in the peace and understanding that God has greatly blessed you with.

U2's Search

2005-11-20T02:19:00.000-05:00

I sat at the beauty salon today and heard an interesting song on the radio by U2. I've heard it for years and never really listened to the words. I caught the chorus, thought about it for awhile, and told myself I'd check out the actual lyrics when I got home. Here's what I found.

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
U2 - Joshua Tree Album

I have climbed highest mountain
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you

I have run
I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for

I believe in the kingdom come
Then all the colors will bleed into one
Bleed into one
Well yes I'm still running

You broke the bonds and you
Loosed the chains
Carried the cross
Of my shame
Of my shame
You know I believed it

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...

Do you suppose he is talking about a relationship with Christ? At first I thought maybe he was talking about some girl he wanted, but the further I look...the more I am unsure. Perhaps some site has some insight?

A little result of searching:

.:: I STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR ::.
www.threesunrises.net

Ultimately, the biggest issue facing U2 is whether a young, idealistic band can keep on its own creative and ethical track. But the Edge, like other members of the group, remains confident. Commenting on U2's recent hit single, he said, "'I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' sounds like a song of defeat, but it's about hope and belief. God forbid if we ever found what we were looking for. What a horrible experience that would be."

(from "From Street Punks To Rock Idealists" by Nicholas Jennings, Maclean's, November 02, 1987)

MJ: Are you saying that what captures your fans' political imaginations is speaking to those doubts they have?

Bono: I think it's at least owning up to them. We're very clear, and it's very clear in our music that we don't have any answers. But that the questions are at least worth asking. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For." How much mor clear can you make it?

(from "Pure Bono" by Adam Block, Mother Jones, May 1989)

"Even I would have probably hated us then [by the time of R&H]," Bono concedes. "What was scary to me was that people who were criticizing us weren't really listening to the records. The records were not propagating any kind of 'men of stone' thing. The Joshua Tree is a very uncertain record. 'Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For' is an anthem of doubt more than faith.

(from "U2 Finds What It's Looking For" by David Fricke, Rolling Stone, October 01, 1992)

Bono: The approach was influenced by the poetry of the Psalms, which I always love. To me, it's a lot like the blues -- where man was giving out to God. It's like David giving out to God, "Where are you when I need you?" That whole thing.

(from "U2's Pride (In The Name Of Songs); Achtung, Babies: Bono And Edge Evaluate One Critic's Choices For The Group's 10 Best Recordings, From 'I Will Follow' To 'One'" by Robert Hilburn, Los Angeles Times, September 12, 1993)

Sigh, it will be hard to ever know...

The Twisted Road of Words

2005-11-20T01:52:00.000-05:00

I resonate well with a book I recently read called, "Surprise Me" by Terry Esau. (Great book by the way.) He wrote on day twenty-four:

"Here's the truth about me. I like my own way. I think I'm right and if you don't agree with me, there's a really good chance that I think you're wrong. So, maybe it's not just selfishness, maybe there's some arrogance sprinkled in there too. Ouch."

I think what's interesting about me is that I also resonate with a recent episode of Friends that I watched (trust me, I don't frequent that show):

Phoebe was trying to outwin Joey in proving that she could do something completely unselfish without any motivation towards feeling good about herself. (It was funny in that she donated $200 to the telethon he was working which happened to be a very large contribution which got him the air time he had been wanting. Therefore, Phoebe felt so happy that she could give Joey what he really wanted. She then made that, "OOOP" sound like she might burst into thin air for thinking a bad thought (reminding me of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon...wow, i'm so remniscient tonight) realizing that she had done something completely unselfish yet it made her feel good about herself.

Well, back to my original thought process about myself (how fitting for a blog on being selfish). I seem to have a slight problem which I'll refer to as "latching and detaining." Sounds fun and interesting, eh? Every time I get a chance to spend time with my fiance, I have trouble saying goodnight. Probably not for any other reason except it is hard for me to say good bye to anyone. I'm not good at things like: "Okay, have a good night, see ya, buhbye." I tend to drag things out to ridiculousness.

Anyway, I have been trying, recently, to be better about not latching onto Josh and keeping him from getting the rest, recouperation, and refreshment that we both need from sleep. So, tonight, I finally made the decision to allow it all to happen within an appropriate time span, to not attempt to detain him any longer, etc, etc, etc. I think we may have both been surprised at the smoothness of the process. It was difficult because I really wanted his support on something and felt I needed that by his serious, constant presence, but I decided that I knew he supported me and loved me very much and that tonight he needed his rest more than I needed the assurance of his love and support in a physical manner.

I felt really good about my ability to make this decision, and then began to feel selfish for making a decision that was ultimately good for both of us and made me proud of myself inside. I never made that decision to feel good about myself, but rather to make his evening go better. I know it's not really selfish and my thinking is completely warped, but it was the twisted road of words that my mind walks down on its own random timing. Alas, it is late and my mind has wandered too many roads as of yet. I know what I mean, and perhaps someone else out there does as well.

In the process of growing and maturing a relationship with Josh, I have realized how undeserving of a relationship I am. And yet, God has still incredibly blessed me with this opportunity. I pray that I may not be wasteful in my blessing. Which brings me to the ultimate of blessings which would be the relationship I have been given with Jesus Christ. How completely undeserving I am of having a relationship with He who set the standard. Yet He chose to love me and to have a relationship with me. He is ready and anxious to meet with me daily, to talk things over, to tell me which way to walk and turn, and to comfort me through all of my anxiety. As well, He is the one I must ultimately please. He is the one whose approval I am ultimately seeking. May this not run far from my mind.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
- Galatians 1:10

The Struggle

2005-11-17T00:43:00.000-05:00

We've derailed somewhere along the line...

So I've been struggling for awhile, sort of, as to whether or not to share this thought with you. However, it was a profound enough thought for me that I figured maybe someone else would find it to be profound as well. I pray that no one is offended by this statement but rather is challenged to reflect on their own lives and consider their actions.

I have had this posted (using a really fun Post-It Note type program) on my desktop wallpaper for quite awhile now. Since October 15th to be exact. It reads:

"how dare we as pastors neglect our flock because of our laziness or inability to cope. we are dealing with the seriousness of their eternal lives, not just a question of a Sunday morning sermon. eternity. it is too easy for us to neglect the seriousness of this matter."

It is so easy for us to throw to the wind a Sunday sermon or a relevant church project, or something that will impact the lives of those we serve. However, too often, we see it as just that, a sermon, a project, just a something, rather than looking to the result of what we have been called to do. We, as pastors and teachers of the Word, have been called to a higher standard. We cannot neglect that which God has called us to do. Yes, it is tiring, yes, it is stressful, yes, some days it is just not pretty. But it's okay. We must realize in those moments that it is not about us and the state of our tiredness. Rather, it is about proclaiming the gospel when and where we are called to in a manner that is worthy of the calling of Christ. The Word of God states:

^"1To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder, a witness of Christ's sufferings and one who also will share in the glory to be revealed: ²Be shepherds of God's flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; ³not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock. ⁴And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away." 1 Peter 5:1-4

The Man I Love

2005-11-15T00:24:00.000-05:00

Joshua and Allison

This is the man that I love.

It's A Little Bit Funny, But Then Again, No...

2005-11-13T01:44:00.000-05:00

Your Song - Elton John

Totally have Elton John's song, "Your Song" stuck in my head. I'm tempted to watch a few clips from Moulin Rouge just to help ease the continual melody. Strange how a few of the lyrics remind me of life, as disconnected to one another as they are. I think I thought they were part of the same line: "It's a little bit funny...but then again, no." Eh, it was worth a shot, right?

It's funny to me the things I try to hide in. And by hiding, I don't mean things such as cardboard boxes. I try hard to hide in my strength and stubborn will. I try to be fierce and strong with few inhibitions and fears. Yet, on the inside, all this is melted away and really quite soggy.

For instance, driving home at 1:45 AM to a house by myself in a neighborhood I'm not completely sure of on a dark windy night, knowing there is no one to help me fight off the boogie men with is a pretty frightening experience. Yet, it is one I am fearful to share because it shows my weaknesses and inabilities to handle things myself. Interesting how God asks us to be exactly opposite that. I think that in general I am just scared of the world and completely afraid to admit it. I think I am afraid of facing the world by myself, and forget that I don't have to.

In general, it has just been an interesting past few weeks. I have noticed quite profoundly the huge impact daily study and devotion to God plays into your life. When things get hectic, it is so much easier to put off God, and to place other things as more key aspects to your life. Perhaps part of me is seeking a method outside of the standard read your Bible and pray, some other way I can connect with God in a regular manner and learn more about Him. I so desire to learn Scripture, to be a better witness, to understand His Words more, to understand God more, etc, etc, etc. Yet it feels sometimes that the main thing I lack is the discipline to sit down and do it. I keep seeking another method. Read your Bible and Pray... totally a time-tested method, yet I feel there has to be some other option. Is that silly of me? Feels like it (though I cannot say that my feelings are always level-headed...).

I know tonight my ramblings are much more ramblings and much less spiritually inspired, but I feel that God works through that as well. And perhaps for me, I just need a good dose of being honest with God, myself, and others. Not that I am not generally an honest person, I just sometimes fear the reaction to what is really going on in my head. Well, more prayer and devotion. God will bring me through yet.

"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
- Matthew 28:20b

The Trap of Neglect

2005-11-01T00:50:00.000-05:00

A well recognized truth of this earth: we are often caught up in the traps of Satan's lies. The lie of recent that I have been caught up in? If we neglect something for too long, there is no chance to restart and continue on. What do I mean by this? Well, let's explore, shall we?

Often, I get into moods where I want to start being really dedicated in doing my daily devotions. Yeah, there was the admittance: I sometimes don't do my daily devotions. Not really a big surprise for those of you who have suffered through the times and trials of attempting a regular devotional habit.

Well, one of these moods came about a few weeks ago and I had gotten into a great pattern as far as devotions go. Then school came along and decided it wanted to shipwreck any plans that I had going for me. After a few weeks of being on my own little spiritual high and understanding what it means to live daily in the glory of God, I began to slack a little.

Which brings me to today. Often, I come to the point where I figure that I am far enough gone, why try to resurrect what I had? For instance, on those days when I sleep well into the afternoon, I figure the day is so far gone already, why go through the trouble of getting out of bed and trying to get things accomplished? Yet the answer is obvious: because this is the day the Lord has made, as I rejoice and am glad in it, He also asks me to be productive with the time I do have, even if it is not as much as I, or He, originally planned on.

The same goes with many facets in our lives. Just because it is a little late to begin to accomplish something, does not mean that we cannot begin to accomplish it. God still gives us the grace to push forward. God still desires our best, even when we are tardy in attaining it.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you."
- Romans 12:2-3
(Not extremely related but definitely on my heart at the moment.)

Against the Current

2005-10-15T02:02:00.000-05:00

Wow, how hard it is to be against the flow of the world. To fight the inner nature. To seek wisdom, guidance, and strength from a God who desires to give it to us, yet to live in a world where we fail to ask it.

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." - Matthew 6:33

God, how I need Your strength right now! To live a life that is upright and holy, pure and blameless, apart from the world yet in it enough to impact it. Lord, strengthen us yet today, I pray. I feel so torn. I have this idea, this object, this proposed model of who I desire to be, of who I think God desires me to be. I can see it so clearly, so perfectly in my mind. Then there is this person, me, myself, that I witness daily. Someone who is not exactly who God desires, not necessarily pure and upright. Someone who wants so badly to follow with the stream of the world rather than the precious picture that flows within my mind.

But the battle is large and the warriors many. The enemy desires me to lose this battle. He wants me to give in to the daily temptations that present themselves, to surrender all that God has given me, the talents, gifts, and blessings, in order to live a life that seems so much easier and more pleasant. Oh, but how the enemy deceives.

I know within my heart of hearts that God has a much greater, much larger plan than any other creature. Being an omniscient God, He knows the number of my days and the steps that I shall take. He knows my coming in and my going out. God knows that it is hard for me to stand my ground and to be the pure creature that He designed and formed with His hands. God knows that temptation is a daily surrounding in our environment and that it is often difficult to stand fast.

But I will be steadfast in my devotion to our heavenly Father. I will be true to the promises that I have made before Him and many others. I know that blessings come to those who wait. I understand that God created His timing for a purpose and that half the battle is the journey itself. Praise be to God who designed us for a journey, for a trip that would shake us and attempt to break us, only to end up with a more purified and refined creation!

The challenge before us, my friends, is to hold fast to that journey, to understand it is a journey, and to enjoy it for the journey that it is. There are things we can only do on this side of the journey before we reach the next journey, and we must understand how to enjoy those things. God created us with such wonderful intentions. How blessed it is for those of us who can discern those intentions and enjoy them in the moments they have been given to us. Praise be to Him!

"The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance." - Psalm 33:10-12

If You're Going to Claim It, Live It

2005-10-14T00:34:00.000-05:00

Many have heard the phrase, "Don't talk the talk if you're not going to walk the walk," or however you choose to word it. I have found a deep burden in my life to follow this. I claim to live under the grace, redemption, and glory of Jesus Christ, so why should I not live like that? Too many Christians, and really too many pastors, claim this life, yet look nothing like what a disciple of Christ should be.

I wish I could be elaborate and flowery and all that sort of jazz, but I just felt I needed to make that statement. That we should be living lives more like Christ would have desired to see us live.

Prayer

2005-10-06T01:46:00.000-05:00

It has intrigued me how much God has been laying on my heart the subject of prayer. This has to be one of my weakest spiritual disciplines, and yet is laying heaviest on my soul. I know that this is God's way of telling me to get to it.

I have no real insight into this area. I have very little experience and "expertise" to offer. And for that very reason, I believe that is why God has made me so passionate, and in some cases too verbally passionate, about this very area. Often, it is way too easy to neglect prayer in our lives as we strive to excel through our own gifts and talents, forgetting that it was God who gave them to us in the first place.

God, may You continue to place that heavy burden upon my heart to pray for Your people. To pray for Your strength, and to understand how to be in deeper communion with You through this amazing avenue.

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." - 2 Chronicles 7:14

A Sidenote: My Fiance

2005-10-04T01:05:00.000-05:00

us

Picture #2

Just wanted to share a picture of my wonderful fiance that encourages me so much in all that I do. God has so richly blessed my life with the presence of this man. Thank You, our most gracious Father!

A Harsh Statement of Solid Truth

2005-10-04T00:55:00.000-05:00

Want to hear a harsh statement?

"The thought life of a pastor is incredibly important." - Dr. Chris Bounds

Wow. To me, that is a tough sentence to hear. Not because I falter in so many large ways that I could never be seen as any time of good person at all, but because it is about the little things. It is not that we can present ourselves in such a way as to prove that we are good little Christians, but that we have a thought life that is pure and blameless in the sight of Jesus Christ. The things that other people will never see. The things that we keep locked up and secret, to ourselves, hidden away in our closets. People will see through the outpouring of our ministry whether or not we are in touch with our Creator. People will be able to tell what we spend our time on because of the way we reach out to others, the way we preach, the things we preach on, and the condition of our hearts. Is God's love constantly found in our flow of words? Is God's heart our heart? Do we hurt for the things that God hurts for? Do we find passion and solace in His words? Does His truth cut us to the core and find us broken again and again at the foot of His cross? I am simply reminded of this passage in the gospel of Matthew:

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:21

Thank you, Dr. Bounds, for your subtle reminder of the truth of God's words.

A Few Random Ramblings and Statements

2005-09-28T00:52:00.000-05:00

"Our walk is all about the big picture, not about the little set backs."

I was reading on a random site about physical healing from an ailment and it said to focus on the big picture and not get caught up in the small set backs. I thought, how true is that of our walk with God? If we focus on the larger picture that we are here as Christ's ambassadors to witness from "our doorsteps to the ends of the earth" (thank you First Christian Church), then to have a minor set back where we fail at one thing or another is perfectly okay. How many times did Christ experience setbacks? And how often were those really the plans of the Father in His master will?

"I have fought the good fight."

Dr. Bounds spoke today in class reminding us of Dr. Smith's sermon on steadfastly pursuing our ministry. He summed it up saying that it is about being persistent in the goal. It is about remembering why we were called and persevering in that. There is no promise for earthly comfort. Again, it is not so much about the little things that we meet up with day to day, but about the fact that we are still striving to please the Kingdom.

"It is the little things in life, the small projects, that help it all to seem attainable."

As life is not about the little setbacks, it is also most often successfully achieved when we take it in small bites and seek to achieve those things individually. It's like my room. I keep looking at it getting completely overwhelmed by the atrosity of it all. Yet, I know that if I will just start at some place, once I have completed that task, I will have the strength, energy, and motivation to pursue more cleanliness. And equivalently, more godliness. Afterall, isn't cleanliness next to godliness? :)

And finally, a relief from the seriousness of spirituality, I bring you three words from tonight's Philosophy and Theology in Film which pretty much sum up my experience: Possessed Japanese Medium. Need I say more?

"The Church"

2005-09-23T01:14:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I had a most lengthy discussion with my wonderful housemate. We talked all sorts of topics, seeing as how she began the conversation with, "So what do you think of the Methodist denomination?" Sigh, so many words, so few ways to put it all.

I have no major qualms with the Methodists, nothing that cannot be solved. I merely am frustrated with "The Church" in general. The hypocrisy that reigns within. The sheer lack of spiritual presence and guidance by its leaders. The drag of the feet of those who volunteer most. The non-existence (or seemingly so) of support from the higher ups to those who are seeking future ministry positions. I promise, I am not bitter, I am just disillusioned by it all. I have seen one too many ministers fall, one too many political campaigns and dissensions, and one too many church leaders fail to follow through with their words. To a point, it stings.

Yet, I feel I have nowhere to go with that. I do not wish to harbor these feelings of disillusionment, these fears of non-existent support and failure to minister to those we seek to serve. Nor do I wish to spend all my ministry days harping on those we are called to submit to and standing on my soapbox of pain and hurt. Rather, I wish to continue about my ministry and continue to love on those whom God has placed in my care.

It is truly possible to minister in a church despite those in authority over you? Is it unbiblical? Were Christian Service Teams a time to learn that we minister despite the sometimes oppressive hand of other intentions?

Through all this, I seek God's direction and advice. I desire to walk in His will and to be faithful to complete that. But this is one of those areas that is of great importance to me, one of those "dealbreakers" in a sense. I hate to feel as if I am on the last string with any particular denomination or leader group, yet I also hate to feel as if I am merely being strung along because leadership feels I will do nothing else.

I desire more than anything to lead an evangelical life according to Biblical Truth, creating and equipping disciples to go out and create and equip more disciples for Jesus Christ. I desire to back my words and actions with Scripture, to seek the Lord in prayer in all decisions, and to continually seek to be in His presence. Beyond that, I desire someone who can be an example of all this to me. I find myself frustrated in feeling there are so few excellent examples of the type of leadership, both spiritually and functionally, that Christ would desire.

Yet, God is truly faithful in at least placing a few people in my life who are where I am. In speaking to my housemate, I believe we both find that disillusionment within the church, yet in different forms. Luckily, her skepticism is based on the grace that she has so bountifully been blessed with and praise God that she recognizes that love and grace in her life! My skepticism, of course, becomes more founded in the leadership or lack thereof, yet I believe that God has a plan and purpose for change and to instill a passion in those who eagerly seek the gospel Truth.

May my life be an example to those who seek the grace of God, for those who earnestly desire Truth, and for any and all who look for a living example of Christ's love to others. As well, may God keep me humble and dedicated to this mission He has placed before me. I praise God for His faithfulness in the creating and shaping of His disciples.

"O Lord, you alone are my hope.
I've trusted you, O LORD, from childhood.
Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother's womb you have cared for me.

No wonder I am always praising you!

My life is an example to many,
because you have been my strength and protection.
That is why I can never stop praising you;
I declare your glory all day long."

- Psalm 71:5-8

Update

2005-09-21T20:20:00.000-05:00

So what I thought was a watermelon is really a pumpkin. Huh. I think God has a sense of humor.

Mouthful of Theology

2005-09-21T18:30:00.000-05:00

"The expository language of the Declaration corresponds to its purpose, which is not to treat in a systematic manner the question of the unicity and salvific universality of the mystery of Jesus Christ and the Church, nor to propose solutions to questions that are matters of free theological debate, but rather to set forth again the doctrine of the Catholic faith in these areas, pointing out some fundamental questions that remain open to further development, and refuting specific positions that are erroneous or ambiguous. For this reason, the Declaration takes up what has been taught in previous Magisterial documents, in order to reiterate certain truths that are part of the Church's faith." - From the Vatican

Wow, this is only two sentences. It's almost hard to breathe while just reading the first one.

I am amazed at the length that people will go in order to sound distinguished, intelligent, and theologically advanced. I think way to often in our lives we try to set ourselves to a point beyond where we are in order to look better to those around us. I don't really have a lot to say other than an urge toward being real with one another in the way we relate to one another. If you are not someone who is good at speaking, don't try to change all your words to sound high and ornate. If you are someone with an outstanding vocabulary, there is no need to adapt ganster language to your vocabulary. Just a thought... :)

He Must Not Be an Early Riser

2005-09-21T00:05:00.000-05:00

In the history of my life, I don't think I have ever risen before the trash man. I say this with all awe and respect. I have just never awoken on the morning of trash day to see that my trash is still at the curb. But today, at 9:20 AM when I was leaving the house, what did I see but my very own trash still sitting at the curb, all lonely like.

I wish I too was an early riser, like most trash men. The most gorgeous of scenery appears in these wee hours of the morning, and one can realize in the freshness of that moment the greatness and newness of God's mercies in our lives. I think, as well, that those moments that many take to savor the preciousness of God's time in the morning must be well worth the "joy" of getting out of a warm, comfy bed so early. For those, it is giving the best part of their day to the God they adore so greatly. And for me, it is forcing myself to keep my eyes from slamming shut into peaceful sleep once again.

I think God understands that we have different moments in our days when we are most alert and dutiful to His presence and command. He would, for He created us. For me, it is finding those moments that best fulfill my love and gratefulness for His gifts of life and love to me. Currently, I use the time before I rest at night, yet I feel that perhaps this is something that should change so that I may give more of a devoted and prioritized time to my Lord and Savior.

"Now devote your heart and soul to seeking the Lord your God."
- 1 Chronicles 22:19

Much Patience saith the Melon

2005-09-19T20:49:00.000-05:00

I'm not a gardener. My mom was never good with plants, and I have to say I have inherited that same family gene. I just have a tendency to forget about my sweet little plants. It becomes more of a mometary hobby or kick for me rather than something I am good at keeping up with.

Having said this, yesterday I went out to retrieve my trash can, which I had conveniently left in the alley for a whole week, and I thought I would stop by and visit my garden. I should probably place garden in quotation marks because it really is more of a weed habitat than a garden, but I feel there is hope. So, as I was visiting my garden, I remembered that I had a few green tomatoes about a month ago and I wondered if they had become red yet. So, I stopped, picked my five lovely (and quite small) tomatoes, and discovered, to my delight, that I had miraculously grown a cantelope in my garden! Now, it was a little small, I'll admit, but it was my cantelope! I had kept all the seed packets so I would remember what I had planted (knowing not everything would grow, but so that I could check it all out) up until about a week ago when I decided that I'd toss them. But I had grown a cantelope!

Through this, I believe that God has reminded me of the glory of patience. I hadn't touched that garden in at least a month (and one can tell just from the sight of it), but here, in my garden, was a beautiful cantelope!

And surprisingly, I think I may even have a watermelon coming...

Classroom Worship

2005-09-16T02:32:00.000-05:00

For those who do not attend a Christian university, it is difficult to comprehend the matter of classroom worship. However, as a Christian Ministries major at an evangelical univeristy, it can be simple to find moments of worship within the everyday confines of a classroom.

Today, for example, I counted at least three separate times where I had what the Wesleyans may refer to as a "warming of the heart" Aldersgate experience during a class. We had a forum in Church Leadership today with local pastors who shared some of their experiences, what they wish they would have known, and answered many questions we had. One of the pastors closed out his comments by saying, "I wake up everyday and am thrilled that I get to do what I do. I am so grateful to be called into ministry. It is one of the greatest blessings..." He could barely say it all without tearing up. And it hit me. Ministry is such a gift. Such a wonderful gift that God has given to us. He has empowered and equipped us to lead His people, as He leads them - as a shepherd and his sheep. We have that huge responsibility and how grateful we should be to be a part of His wonderful and amazing plan.

Again, today, in conversation with a professor, I was able to speak for a few moments my heart about where I was and where I am going and to feel encouraged that I am on the right track was soothing. I feel so lost at this junction in my life, having no clue where I will end up in twelve months time, and honestly, it is difficult to trust in God to have those answers all ready and prepared for myself and Josh. Yet at the same time, I would wish those answers to be in no one else's hands for control. How blessed we are!

And again today, we spoke of ministry objectives and where all we were going and still hashing out conversations with the pastor's from the previous classes and all I could think was how God works in and throughout our relationships. He does not ask us to rid ourselves of any relationships at all, but to perhaps hold different types of relationships with different people. God desires that we be all things to all people in order that all might be saved, which doesn't require us to trust all, share with all, and be best friends with all. Perhaps to some this is nothing new, no great revelation. But to me, it takes a burden off my back, releases some tension, and allows me to press on with a more hopeful glance toward the future.

I guess I say all this to say: God has greatly encouraged my life today through some of my classes and the discussions we have held. He has re-energized my passion for His ministry and service, He has livened my passion for His Word and Truth, and He has given me more of a devotion and love for His people. I praise my Father above for His great mercies and His love that endures forever! Amen and amen!

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD." - Lamentations 3:22-26

More Small Children

2005-09-15T00:28:00.000-05:00

Little Elissa showed up at church today, wide-eyed and anxious to begin a new journey in her life. I didn't get to see her when she first arrived but as she was leaving. However, I had the privilege of speaking with her grandmother who told me all about it. Elissa is probably in about second grade and had her first piano lesson today. She could hardly leave the house soon enough. Her older sister, who is now in junior high, began lessons three or four years ago, and Elissa was anxious to follow behind. She is an extremely bright young girl (as her father says, eight going on twenty-one) with a lot of spunk, which I must say I admire in small children. So it was neat to see her after her lesson, to get a chance to talk with her for awhile, and to encourage her in what she was doing. I think the great thing about it all was seeing how God is already beginning to instill, form, and shape gifts into the lives of the little ones we see so often. May I too one day help my children to seek out and fulfill those gifts and talents presented to them by the Holy Spirit.

"So it is with you. Since you are eager to have spiritual gifts, try to excel in gifts that build up the church." - 1 Corinthians 14:12

The Faith of the Young

2005-09-14T19:23:00.000-05:00

Small Child

I found something to be so encouraging about two weeks ago. I was helping out with some of the Sunday School things for our younger children, and we were rushing through to finish our time. We gathered in a small circle to pray, and as we all held hands, the teacher asked if one of the children would like to pray. This one young boy lifted his head real high and gave a huge grin. The teacher asked, "Would you like to pray, Trevor?" while he nodded his head. So we all bowed our heads and prepared ourselves for what we expected to be a simple child's prayer. And it was. But much more than I expected. He had no prodding from the teacher, no reminder to pray for anything in particular. Yet, he bowed his head, closed his eyes, and proceeded to pray innocently and earnestly for those who had been affected by hurricane Katrina. I must say, I was absolutely touched. Even at my age, with all the experience I feel that I have had and with the classes that attempt to teach us all it means to be a Christian and to lead others to Christ, I still forget to pray for the simple, yet loudly proclaimed, things that God asks us to remember in our prayers. To me, this young boy's prayer is a reminder of the daily things we should be praying for and to continue to seek out the Lord's help in things that not only affect us, but affect all those around us. Father, keep me honest, keep me humble, and keep me yearning for that closeness which provides so much excitement and passion for Your love in my life.

"He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 18:2-4

Significant Living

2005-09-12T15:33:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have been attempting to read the book, "The Search for Significance," by Robert McGee. This is at least my second attempt at the book, but I am determined to make it through this time. Unfortunately, many of the books that currently adorn my bookshelf have been read at least through the first few chapters, but so few have been read from cover to cover. Maybe someday, right? What I have learned through this first chapter of reading, though, is how much God loves us for who we are. Not how we come across, not for the things that we do or the ways in which we try to please Him, but because we have chosen Him as our Savior. It amazes me the ways in which we are able to see things like this through the lives of others. For instance, I have realized lately the impact that unconditional love can have on one's life. It is one thing to know that God loves you, but quite another to experience that love. I feel that I have been lucky enough to experience a small portion of what it is like to be unconditionally loved by God through my amazing fiance, Josh. As hard on myself as I may get, as many times as I may make things more difficult for him (though most often this is in jest), it never ceases to amaze me that he finds no more fault in me than before and that he still loves me. I suppose this is a strange phenomenon to me because expectations and performance are such high attributes in my life. I must perform and attain in order to succeed, yet we serve a God who is not concerned with how we finished but whether or not we tried at all. Praise be to Him! I close with one of my favorite verses (perhaps because I learned it so young in life, and it has a great song to go with it...yay for Psalty the Singing Songbook!):

"Beloved, let us love one another. For love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. He that loves not, loves not God, for God is love."
- 1 John 4:7-8

The Challenge

2005-09-12T15:16:00.000-05:00

::brother Lawrence writes::

We've been challenged by one of our professors to commit this semester to a way we are going to intentionally enhance our personal relationship to Christ. Here, before you, is my commitment to a blog. I desire to write daily those things where I can see the movement of God in my life and in the lives of others. Brother Lawrence once wrote a book entitled, "The Practice of the Presence of God." Now, I've ordered that book with the intention of reading it, and have felt that perhaps starting as at least a witness to the presence of God might help me to better understand how to remain in His presence.